the Centrist

Swine Flu Vaccine and Autism; ACLU; Christmas List… Naughty and Nice Update; Prayer Requests; and Lighter Side (some Really funny stuff)

Dear Friends and Family;

Here is a much requested article on Swine Flu Vaccine and Autism:
From two sources: Autism and Swine Flu Vaccine

• Seasonal Influenza (Flu)
• Preventing Flu
• Questions & Answers
Thimerosal in Seasonal Influenza Vaccine
Questions & Answers
What is Thimerosal?

Thimerosal is a very effective preservative that has been used since the 1930s to prevent contamination in some multi-dose vials of vaccines (preservatives are not required for vaccines in single dose vials). Thimerosal contains approximately 49% ethylmercury. There is no convincing evidence of harm caused by the low doses of thimerosal in vaccines, except for minor reactions like redness and swelling at the injection site. However, in July 1999 the Public Health Service (PHS) agencies, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), and vaccine manufacturers agreed that thimerosal should be reduced or eliminated in vaccines as a precautionary measure.
Today, all routinely recommended licensed pediatric vaccines that are currently being manufactured for the U.S. market, with the exception of influenza vaccine, contain no thimerosal or only trace amounts. Thimerosal preservative-free influenza vaccines are available, but in limited quantities. The total amount of inactivated influenza vaccine available without thimerosal as a preservative will continue to increase as manufacturing capabilities are expanded.
Does the influenza vaccine contain thimerosal?
Yes, the majority of influenza vaccines distributed in the United States currently contain thimerosal as a preservative. However, some contain only trace amounts of thimerosal and are considered by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) to be preservative-free. Manufacturers of preservative-free flu vaccine use thimerosal early in the manufacturing process. The thimerosal gets diluted as the vaccine goes through the steps in processing. By the end of the manufacturing process there is not enough thimerosal left in the vaccine to act as a preservative and the vaccine is labeled “preservative-free”.
How much thimerosal-free influenza vaccine is expected to be available for the 2008-09 season?
For the 2008-09 season, manufacturers project producing as many as 50 million doses of thimerosal-free or preservative-free (trace thimerosal) influenza vaccine. Of these 50 million doses, approximately 20 million doses represent flu vaccine products that are licensed for use in children over 3 years of age.
Will the supply of thimerosal-free and preservative-free (trace thimerosal) influenza vaccine be adequate for the recommended pediatric priority groups (ages 6-59 months) during the 2008-09 season?
For the 2008-09 season, there is one product licensed for 6-23 month old children (the product is thimerosal-free). For children between the ages of 2 and 5 years of age, there are three products available that are thimerosal-free (sanofi’s Fluzone; MedImmune’s FluMist) or preservative-free (trace thimerosal- [Novartis's Fluvirin]). Specific information about these products and other influenza vaccines can be found in the Table: Influenza Vaccine Manufacturers for the 2009-10 Influenza Season. Given the uptake of influenza vaccine among children less than 5 years of age, and the anticipated increase in vaccination coverage for this season, CDC projects that the vaccine supply for this age group will be adequate to meet demand.
Is it safe for children to receive an influenza vaccine that contains thimerosal?
Yes. There is no convincing evidence of harm caused by the small amount of thimerosal in vaccines, except for minor effects like swelling and redness at the injection site due to sensitivity to thimerosal. Most importantly, since 1999, newly formulated thimerosal preservative-free childhood vaccines (Hepatitis B, Hib, and DTaP) have been licensed. With the newly formulated childhood vaccines, the maximum total exposure during the first six months of life will now be less than three micrograms of mercury. Based on guidelines established by the FDA, the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) and the Agency for Toxic Substances and Disease Registry (ATSDR), no child will receive excessive mercury from childhood vaccines regardless of whether or not their flu shot contains thimerosal as a preservative.
Research suggests that healthy children under the age of 2 are more likely than older children and as likely as people over the age of 65 to be hospitalized with flu complications. In addition, children between 24-59 months of age have higher rates of influenza-related doctor and Emergency Department visits than older children. Therefore, vaccination with either reduced or standard thimerosal-content flu vaccine is recommended for children between the ages of 6 and 59 months by CDC’s Advisory Committee on Immunization Practices.
Is it safe for pregnant women to receive an influenza vaccine that contains thimerosal?
Yes. A study of influenza vaccination examining over 2,000 pregnant women demonstrated no adverse fetal effects associated with influenza vaccine. Case reports and limited studies indicate that pregnancy can increase the risk for serious medical complications of influenza. One study found that out of every 10,000 women in their third trimester of pregnancy during an average flu season, 25 will be hospitalized for flu related complications.
Additionally, influenza-associated excess deaths among pregnant women have been documented during influenza pandemics. Because pregnant women are at increased risk for influenza-related complications and because a substantial safety margin has been incorporated into the health guidance values for organic mercury exposure, the benefits of influenza vaccine with reduced or standard thimerosal content outweighs the theoretical risk, if any, of thimerosal.
References
Ball LK, Ball R, Pratt RD. An assessment of thimerosal use in childhood vaccines. Pediatrics2001;107(5):1147-54.
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Prevention and control of influenza; recommendations of the Advisory Committee on Immunization Practices (ACIP). MMWR 2002; 51(RR03):1-31.
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Recommendations regarding the use of vaccines that contain thimerosal as a preservative. MMWR 1999;48(43):996-8.
Heinonen OP, Shapiro S, Monson RR, Hartz SC, Rosenberg L, Slone D. Immunization during pregnancy against poliomyelitis and influenza in relation to childhood malignancy. Int J Epidemiol1973;2:229-35.
Izurieta HS, Thompson WW, Kramarz P, et al. Influenza and the rates of hospitalization for respiratory disease among infants and young children. New Engl J Med 2000;342:232-9.
Kirshon B, Faro S, Zurawin RK, Samo TC, Carpenter RJ. Favorable outcome after treatment with amantadine and ribavirin in a pregnancy complicated by influenza pneumonia: a case report. J Reprod Med 1988;33:399-401.
Neuzil KM, Wright PF, Mitchel EF, Griffin MR. Burden of influenza illness in children with asthma and other chronic medical conditions. J Pediatr 2000;137:856-64.
Neuzil KM, Reed GW, Mitchel EF, Simonsen L, Griffin MR. Impact of influenza on acute cardiopulmonary hospitalizations in pregnant women. Am J of Epidemiol 1998;148(11):1094-102.
Shahab SZ, Glezen WP. Influenza virus. In: Gonik B, ed. Viral diseases in pregnancy. New York, NY: Springer-Verlag, 1994:215-23.

Thursday, 03 September 2009
• Swine Flu Vaccine Linked to Autism
From: Dr. Chun Wong
Despite its discovery over 100 years ago, the H1N1 virus came alive 5 months ago. Prior to that, talk of the virus, more commonly referred to as “Swine Flu”, was reserved for medical journals and text books until the massive outbreak in April 2009. By the middle of this year, over one-million cases of the Swine Flu had been diagnosed.
When word of a vaccine was heard, there was a nationwide sigh of relief. Millions of doses of the vaccine were produced and sent off to various medical facilities for immediate use. Men and women rushed to get both themselves and their children vaccinated.
When introduced to a medication or vaccine that can treat or prevent illness, it is a rarity that we do much more than quickly glance at the side effects. For example, it is common knowledge that taking over-the-counter pain-killers can cause stomach irritation. However, if a severe toothache needs treatment, it is often the case that one would rather deal with minor stomach pains than the agony of a toothache. What happens though, when a vaccine used to prevent an illness carries the same side effects and potential dangers as the illness itself?
Along with the common flu symptoms of coughing, fatigue, nausea and body aches, Swine Flu can also cause neurological damage. This is especially true in young children and unborn babies. If a pregnant woman develops Swine Flu, the virus is known to attack the genes that control growth, often resulting in the newborn developing Autism. That being said, It seems to be a no-brainer that pregnant women and parents of young children should head directly to their doctor and get the vaccination, right?
Maybe not.
One of the ingredients in the Swine Flu and most all vaccines is Mercury; more specifically Thimerosal which serves as a preservative. It has already been determined that Mercury and many of its forms can cause Autism and other neurological disorders just as the flu itself does.
This poses the difficult question: Do you avoid the vaccination due to its damaging side effects and live on the hope that your child will not get the often deadly flu? Or, do you get the vaccination and inject yourself and/or your child with an element known to cause neurological damage and autism?
The answer to the question simply depends on your personal opinion. Does the risk of the vaccine outweigh the risk of the flu? The benefits and risks are definitely something to bring up with a trusted physician so you can more accurately make the decision based on your individual situation.
With another flu season quickly approaching, the first batches of the Swine Flu vaccine will be hitting doctor’s offices by mid-October. 195 Million doses of the vaccine will be distributed and administered. It is said also that each person will need two doses of the vaccine to be properly protected against the flu.
The Center for Disease Control claims that there will be a Mercury-free vaccine in both injection and nasal spray forms, though it is uncertain when it will be available.
Swine Flu Becomes Drug Resistant
By Steve Sternberg, USA TODAY (11/23/09)
This article is not meant to state that all swine flu is Tamiflu resistant… only that there has been an incidence where it has mutated… One more thing, if this were a Conservative Congress or Administration the media would be having a ‘fit’ demanding an explanation as to why we do not have either enough flu or H1N1 vaccine.
The momentum of the H1N1 flu outbreak has fallen off, but flu activity is still high and Tamiflu-resistant virus may have begun to spread. USA TODAY’S Steve Sternberg asks experts for their perspective.
Q: How bad is H1N1 now?
A: Forty-three states are reporting widespread cases, down from 46 last week, says Anne Schuchat, director of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s National Center for Immunization and Respiratory Diseases. “We are beginning to see some declines in influenza activity, but there’s still a lot of influenza everywhere.”
Q: Has the flu peaked?
A: “I wish I knew,” Schuchat says. “Influenza is unpredictable, and it’s so early in the year to have this much disease.”
Q: Is the vaccine supply improving?
A: Yes, she says. As of Friday, 54.1 million doses of H1N1 vaccine were available for states to order, 11 million more than a week ago. By Wednesday, states had ordered 93% of the amount that was available to them. About 94.5 million doses of seasonal flu vaccine also have been distributed nationwide.
Q: What is the latest about Tamiflu-resistant cases?
A: Four patients at Duke University Medical Center in Durham, N.C., and at least five in an unidentified hospital in Wales have become infected with H1N1, or swine flu, viruses that no longer respond to treatment with Tamiflu. Flu viruses swap genes as part of their normal evolution; that means resistant viruses could quickly spread worldwide, says Duke’s Daniel Sexton.
Q: Why should I worry about Tamiflu-resistant cases of flu?
A: Tamiflu and Relenza are the most effective antiviral drugs for treating flu. H1N1 is still largely vulnerable to both drugs, unlike many seasonal flu viruses, which are now broadly resistant and more difficult to treat. Most people will get well with rest and fluids. A hard-to-treat virus can be deadly for some patients, such as pregnant women or children with asthma or cerebral palsy, who need effective treatment because they account for a disproportionate number of deaths caused by swine flu.
Q: Does that mean H1N1 will become as deadly as the 1918 virus?
A: There’s no evidence to suggest the virus is getting more virulent, Schuchat says. But it may become harder to treat.
Q: Will Thanksgiving have any impact on the epidemic?
A: “We’ve seen with a lot of respiratory infections that there are increases in January right after the Christmas holiday,” Schuchat says. “All the kids get together with their grandparents. There’s an exchange of a lot of warmth and love, but there’s a little exchange of viruses, too. We think its critical that if you’re sick, stay home. And if your child is sick, to keep them away from others.”

The following is repeated, by popular demand:
When I was in the medical portion of my education, second year pathology, a professor told us the difference between the flu and a common cold. The cold is usually over within a few days and is more an inconvenience than debilitating. The flu goes something like this, said the wise prof, “the first three days you are afraid you are going to die, the next three days you are afraid you are not going to die!” Let me first state that Marilyn and I have recovered, totally, from the swine flu. And, more importantly, we never got to either reaction. We both took Tamiflu within 24 hours of our first symptoms and found three things different than other flu occasions:
1. The flu was not as serious as we have had in the past
2. It also did not last as long as others (over within about a week, this may be a result of the virus itself, rather than the tamiflu… but I doubt that).
3. It did not leave us as weak as other bouts have in the past. We were on our feet and able to return to our daily routine within that week… thank you Tamiflu!
Here is last week’s update… the major difference with H1N1 and previous flues is that this is extremely contagious, and effects youthful victims more severely than seniors… take this seriously, it is at pandemic levels as I write…

PREVENTING RE-INFECTION: Very common sources of re-infection are pathogens (virus) living in and on dental appliances. That includes: toothbrushes, retainers, dentures, etc. I know, I know; once a dentist always a dentist… but this can save your life, listen up. The virus will grow on the pours of the plastic or on plaques and tartar deposited on dental appliances, especially if proper home care is ignored. Throw away that tooth brush, or sterilize it with a teaspoon of Clorox and a glass of water, after recovery to prevent a re-infection… I personally favor throwing it away and starting new. As far as the retainers, partials, night guards, and dentures, etc. the glass of water and Clorox are a necessity. Ask your dentist if the Clorox will change the color of the metals used, for the most part this is the safest way to sterilize them.
PREVENTION: VACCINATE, BUT THEY ARE IN VERY SHORT SUPPLY AND SEE ABOVE FOR PRECAUTIONS WITH MERCURY SALTS. So for common sense prevention: Remember that the two portals of entry for this virus are the mouth and the nose. When you sanitize with an alcohol based hand sanitizer (make certain your hands are clean before you use these products) be certain the product has at least 60% alcohol in it. Also consider using a small amount on the opening of the nose (alcohol will dry out the moist membranes’ of the nose, so do not ‘stuff it in’… just at the openings). Here is another must, for those of you with facial hair, especially moustaches, after washing your face and facial hair, use this product on those areas. Mustaches and beards are a favorite hiding place for allergens and germs of all types. It does not take a rocket science to understand how easily the movement from these areas around the mouth and nose into the body. Washing and sanitizing have more to do with prevention than treatment.
TRATMENT AND PREVENTION: I don’t know what category to place anti-oxident vitamins such as C (Ester C is best), B complex, bioflavinoids, E, picnagonol, and others… but consider increasing your uptake on all.

TREATMENT: If you come down with H1N1 you have forty eight hours to limit its effect (adults and children). This flu, at this time, is susceptible to a product called TAMIFLU. This product, like the vaccine, is in short supply and will control (kill) the virus in the early stages. This medication can be nauseating. It comes in a capsule for adults and should be taken with food to limit the potential of nausea. TAMIFLU in the early stage is the very best treatment. It is effective only if it is started in the first 48 hours after symptoms occur. (From TAMIFLU website: “Treat the Flu with TAMIFLU… When you or someone in your family begins to experience flu symptoms, you have 48 hours to take action. Trust TAMIFLU, the number-one prescribed antiviral flu medicine*:
• For flu treatment: When taken within two days of experiencing symptoms, TAMIFLU works by helping to stop the flu virus from spreading inside the body
• For flu prevention: When you have been exposed to someone with the flu, taking TAMIFLU can help keep the virus from making you sick
TAMIFLU is not a substitute for the flu shot; vaccination is the first line of defense for flu protection”
REMEMBER THIS PRODUCT IS IN SHORT SUPPLY, GETTING TO THE MD IN TIME IS THE BEST PROTECTION FOR BOTH ADULTS AND CHILDREN! Let them make the diagnosis, every runny nose is not Swine Flu.
One more thing Tamiflu may cause nausea in many… we found that we had to take it with food (just like the directions advise!). But do not halt the medication… find something for the kids to make the flavor and adults take the capsules with food.

I will keep this list in front of you, much as I have the H1N1 news until it is no longer pertinent.

Naughty and Nice Christmas List

In good faith, AFA is suspending the Gap and Old Navy boycott.

Companies FOR “Christmas”
updated 11-10-09
Amazon.com
Bass Pro Shops
Bath & Body Works
Bed Bath & Beyond
Belk
Big Lots
Collective Brands
Costco
Dollar Tree
Family Dollar
Dollar General
Old Navy!!!
GAP!!!!!

Hallmark
Hobby Lobby
Home Depot
JC Penney
Kmart
Lowe’s
Macy’s
Meijer
Menard’s
Michael’s Stores
Neiman Marcus
Petsmart
Rite Aid
Sears
Super D Drug Stores
Target
Toys R Us
Walgreens
Wal-Mart/Sam’s Club Companies marginalizing
updated 11-10-09

Best Buy
Hy-Vee Stores
Kohl’s
QVC
Safeway Companies against “Christmas”
updated 11-10-09
Advance Auto Parts
Aldi
Barnes & Noble
Books-A-Million
Braum’s Ice Cream
CVS Pharmacy
Dick’s Sporting Goods

Harris Teeter Stores
H.E.B. Stores
Home Shopping Network
Kroger
Limited Brands
McDonald’s
Nordstrom
Office Depot
Olive Garden
Outback Steakhouse
Publix
Radio Shack
Staples
SUPERVALU
Victoria’s Secret

Prayer Requests:

Cousins Pat and Jim for medical problems
Krisher family for loss of son John
Betty K broken hip
Sharon double knee replacement should be home by now
DK stress
Cousin and Confirmation sponsor Dick for prostate disease
Sue intestinal disease… salvation
Please pray for our troops and especially those victims and their families frm Ft. Hood… surely the victims of Islamist Terrorism
Here is a prayer request from Jamestown Patti, no update:
Please continue to pray for a little girl, 7 years old, Angela, who is suffering from
Steven-Johnson syndrome–she’s in ICU in Detroit and is in tremendous
pain — there’s a rash over her body that looks like she was burned and
she’s covered with bandages like a mummy and they have to be changed
every few hours and she’s in pain a lot. So please keep this little girl and
her family in your prayers.
Her grandparents are June and Bob P and they go to my church.
DG gainful employment
Blogger Clint having problems with liver toxicity… may need transplant, please pray (see above).

Our nation, our President, our Congress, our courts… to put the people before their ideology
TD for special intention

From JAZ… Sending this message on to you because I know you to be prayer warriors. Kairos Torch for juveniles is very dear to my heart. This is a Christian outreach to troubled youth. When I was in Maine recently I was blessed to observe how the Torch weekend actually works. It is very effective and changes lives as only our Lord Jesus is able. Please pray that Kairos Torch will become reality in NY.
Close family friend Brenda… has been diagnosed with MS and has lost her job.
Brenda’s son undisclosed medical condition
AE for strength to face his dilemma
TD gainful employment
Prayer for David S… wisdom in working with employee and former owner
Bless and pray for our service men and women as they seem to have fewer and fewer options as they deal with the enemy.
Friend Gary W to have biopsy (prostate)… please pray for negative results… no update
Friend Jimmy W having back problems… no update
Hal… prayer partner John’s brother-in-law still recovering from intestinal surgery has had a setback please pray for recovery… still in hospital
wdb prostate problems continue
Cousins Dan and Sharon (husband and wife): Dan has just received a pace maker and Sharon is planning on her knee replacements (see above).
Continue to pray for missionary Curtis and his children Natalie, Reuben, & Kaylie Bergman as they lost their wife and mother two weeks ago.
Maria – diabetes is critical. She had a skin and muscle biopsy and suspect small nerve neuropathy. Please continue to pray no change in her condition.
Clint: to find his son in Viet Nam and have the opportunity to present salvation to him. Clint is in hospital for esophageal bleeding, please keep him in prayer. Has liver toxicity (see above)
Pastor Neil S. (long time close friend and prayer partner) pray for God’s Will in his ministry. A possible opening in a local church…

Niece Rhonda is still weakened condition, but continues to work… continue to pray for strength and healing.
Brother Les is about the same, but he continues to have a Godly attitude. Yet the burden continues to be heavy on both he and Valarie. Please keep both Val and Les in prayer.
Transplants: Good Friend Keith – liver, Brother Pat – liver, Good Friend Jim – kidney … please keep praying for their well being; they all are doing well as of this printing
Sister Jane, Brenda, Cousins Janet, and Karen for strength… all are suffering from MS. Janet is now home from rehab. with cousin Tom caring for her.
Unity for our family
Brenda’s son medical condition
Tolerance, Christ’s Love, and Understanding for our families, friends, and enemies
Bonnie Erbie (author accusing Christians of being knuckle draggers), prayer for salvation.
Pray for wisdom and spiritual guidance in rearing children for our family as well as the renewal of the nuclear family; pray that marriage stays as one man, one woman, but rights are extended to same gender unions.
Pray for truth in education… i.e. AIDS, abortion, evolution, American History, an Made MGlobal Warming
Pray for our troops each evening at 9:00 pm. every night … pray that America wakes up to evil before it is too late
Pray for Nephews John and Ryan – Navy and grandson Scott a Marine.
Prayer for healthy and safe births to parents Tom and Kassilyn, Chris and Becky (second set of twins within two years), and Johnathan and Raylene second child.
Prayer partners John and Ron and family. For my dear friend Bill and Rita M’s family see above (Bill went home to the Lord in May; Rita in September)… pray for strength and blessings
Please continue to pray for health issues for five of our nieces and Marilyn.
Pastors: Dan, John, Tom, Lyell, Steve D, Ben, Estes, Gail, Sam, Whittikers, Neil, and Steve T for their ministries, ease of stress, and courage to spread the gospel; wisdom for all leadership at Yates, Greater Toledo 1st Baptist, Clermont First Baptist.

Billy Graham’s Prayer For Our Nation:
‘Heavenly Father, we come before you today to ask your forgiveness and to seek your direction and guidance. We know Your Word says, ‘Woe to those who call evil good,’ but that is exactly what we have done. We have lost our spiritual equilibrium and reversed our values. We have exploited the poor and called it the lottery. We have rewarded laziness and called it welfare.. We have killed our unborn and called it choice. We have shot abortionists and called it justifiable. We have neglected to discipline our children and called it building self esteem. We have abused power and called it politics.. We have coveted our neighbor’s possessions and called it ambition. We have polluted the air with profanity and pornography and called it freedom of expression. We have ridiculed the time-honored values of our forefathers and called it enlightenment. Search us, Oh God, and know our hearts today; cleanse us from every sin and Set us free. Amen!’

Clermont Sunday School: Prayer Requests:
Charlie Mae’s sister in New York.
Vicki’s friend in Ohio, Dottie Lynn, has just been diagnosed with colon cancer which has already spread to her liver.
Twila’s neighbor’s daughter, Cindy, has cancer. Her mom and dad have already lost another daughter to breast cancer 4 yrs ago. Their names are Jan and Dave.
Wanda S asked prayer for: Cassie Armstrong – cancer
Milton, her brother – cancer and God’s will for her future job.
Dave and Shelia’s property to sell in Maryland.
Herb’s back problems.
Jobs for all who need them.
Vicki’s niece Nikki as she recovers from cancer surgery and as she gets ready for reconstructive surgery.

Last, But Still Really Funny…
Lighter Side:
GrammySammie
George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth. Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he was finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.

Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she was finished the devil informs her that cost is 6 million dollars, so Queen Elizabeth writes him a check. Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he was finished the devil informed him that there would be no charge for the call and feel free to call the USA anytime.

When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to call the USA free. The devil replied, “Since Obama became president of the USA , the country has gone to hell, so it’s a local call.”

How Fights Start:
My wife sat down on the sofa next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, “What’s on TV?”
I said, “Dust.”
And then the fight started….
******************************************
My wife and I were watching “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, “Do you want to have sex?”
“No,” she answered.
I then said, “Is that your final answer?”
She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying, “Yes.”
So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”
And then the fight started….
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing at 40 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and learned that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife’s back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, “The weather out there is terrible.”
My loving wife of 5 years replied, “Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?”
And that’s how the fight started….
******************************************
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it…. He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, “I AM NOT HAPPY!!!”
So, I looked down at him and said, “Well, then which one are you?”
And then the fight started….
*****************************************
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, “I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.”
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started….
******************************************
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, “Do you know her?”
“Yes,” I sighed, “She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.”
“My God!” says my wife, “who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?”
And then the fight started….
******************************************
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason took my order first. “I’ll have the steak, medium rare, please.”
He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?”
“Nah, she can order for herself.”
And then the fight started….
A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, “I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.”

The husband replied, “Your eyesight’s near perfect.”
And then the fight started

Here’s one for Grandpa…
A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall.
He approached a uniformed policeman and said, “I’ve lost my grandpa!”
The cop asked, “What’s he like?”
The little boy hesitated for a moment and then replied,
“Crown Royal whiskey and women with big boobs.”

Be Blessed and Be a Blessing
Dr B

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