the Centrist

            When I was in Dental School my friends would tell me that I was too serious.  I would remind them that I was earning my way through and had to support a family, I didn’t have time to ‘play’.  But after I graduated those same friends said the ‘pattern’ continued.  They were right.  They called me over ‘dentalized’ … claiming I studied too much, took too many courses, and was too devoted to patients.  They would read me a litany of complaints:  “Bellavia, you don’t enjoy a thing, and when you finally take some time to play it always has to be a contest.”  They were right again … it was more important to me … who could hit the ball the farthest, sink the most baskets, run the fastest, etc., rather than enjoy the moment.

I can remember another time on one hot summer day I was sharing my ‘ten year plan’ with a young, but very wise friend.  He handed me a measuring tape, and said, “Hold this end.”  So I did.  He then pulled it out to 78 inches.  He put his thumb on that spot, then put his other thumb on my age.  My young, wise young friend said: “Dr. B did you known the average American male lives to 78?”  He nodded to the area between my age and zero, and said: “These are the years you’ve already lived.”  Then he bent the tape between his two thumbs and said, “These are what’s left.”  I must have paled a little as I compared the length of my past with that of my future.    He looked me in the eye and said: “When are you going to start enjoying life?”  Wow, two good friends, both with my best interest in mind, from different walks of life and generations saying the same thing.

It has always been difficult for me to slow down and ‘smell the roses’.  There was always, one more book to write or deadline to meet, and so many to pray for or help in so many other ways.  And truth be told, old patterns die hard, and that one has not yet been buried.  But this is the time of year that I take stock.  I actually do more pondering, and yes, studying, because of the significance of the season.  God condescending to become material man for this lump of clay is no small thing.  Along with that pondering I count my blessings.  And things could always be worse.  Don’t believe me? Visit a prison, an AIDS or cancer ward, or a Children’s Hospital … you will walk away with an unparalleled blessing.  That blessing will not necessarily be what you have bestowed on others, matter of fact, more often than not, when we are in those situations we say the dumbest things.  Many times we say things like, ‘don’t worry’, or ‘God is in control’ … when compassion, not knowledge, is all they really need.  The true blessing will be to you, not to them.  You see when you see others in that stage of life; you are forced to come to grips with your own immortality. 

             So, this Christmas Season for me has been about appreciating.  Appreciating a wife who has been supportive, loving, loyal, and caring all of our forty one years together.  My sons have achieved beyond my wildest expectations, risking their all to save lives as well as souls, spread love, knowledge, and fair play … as well as understanding the difference between love and loyalty, but understanding that loyalty, by necessity, follows love.  But perhaps I am most grateful that two of them have given us a legacy … 5 grandsons, and one on the way.  Professionally, I can never think of appreciation without thinking of former patients and staff members … hopefully most were better off for having me enter their lives, I know I was for them entering mine.  But make no mistake it was they who made my career in dentistry one of joy and accomplishment.  Then there are the editors of the local and national print media, as well as the Batavia Daily, and the blogoshpere who have seen fit to publish, read, and comment on my opinion column. 

            This is also the time to pass on those silly family stories. I can still remember the one unresolved problem in our extended family.  Some relatives wanted the kids to unwrap all of their presents simultaneously; others wanted each child to unwrap their gifts individually … giving each the spotlight and allowing them to show appreciation … a much nobler process as I reflect.  We would always start gift by gift, and then ‘guess who’ would loose patience, stand up and say: “Kids on the count of three open all your gifts!”  A wonderful chaos ensued that I will never forget … always cherish … albeit less noble a method, I contend a more vibrant memory. 

            After years of studying science, philosophy, politics, and theology, perhaps what I have finally learned is to appreciate the now.   I have come to the conclusion that all we have is the present … and that present is not very often wrapped or even necessarily a gift … it is what it is, and like it or not it is all we have or will ever have.  We no longer have those who have gone before us from Christmas past … Christmas future is but an illusion … we only have today and we only have those who are in our presence with whom to celebrate.  So, rather than contemplate the ‘remainder of your tape’ or what could have been … for that matter even what should have been … this Christmas take a look around you … realize that while you may not be where you would like to be, be grateful that you still ‘are’ … but more importantly, treasure those who care enough to be there with you. 
 

Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah,
 

Dr. B