the Centrist

Friends and family,

Many told men it was difficult to see the picture of our Timmy with the Sesame Street gang. Here is another attempt.

I got so many “good ones” this week … the best may be Dr Tim’s Tidbits offering: “Signs” at the end.

Prayer
But, before we get to the lighter side, take time to pray for nephew B. who has an eating disorder and has stop food intake; Sam who has attempted suicide and is under a close watch and hospitalization; finally brother Pat who will undergo surgery tomorrow

Praise: Dan’s (our oldest) medical problem was an infection and hopefully will clear with an antibiotic
…

Davenport Richard

Just love this one …

Osama at the Pearlly Gates

After getting nailed by a Daisy Cutter, Osama made his way to the pearly
gates. There, he is greeted by George Washington.

“How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!” Washington, slapping
Osama in the face.

Patrick Henry comes up from behind. “You wanted to end the Americans’
liberty, so they gave you death!” Henry punches Osama on the nose.

James Madison comes up next, and says “This is why I allowed the Federal
government to provide for the common defense!” He drops a large weight on
Osama’s knee.

Osama is subject to similar beatings from James Monroe,
and 65 other people who have the same love for liberty and America. As he writhes on
the ground, Thomas Jefferson picks him up to hurl him back toward the
gate where he is to be judged.

As Osama awaits his journey to his final very hot destination,
he screams – “this is not what I was promised!”

An angel replies “I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for
you…
What did you think I said?

This is my personal favorite:
Subject: New use for that little blue pill

A man goes to an oral surgeon to have a tooth pulled. The Dentist
pulls out a freezing needle to give the man a shot. “No way! No
needles! I hate needles,” the patient said.

The Dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man objects. “I
can’t do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on is
suffocating me!”

The Dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a
pill. “No objection,” the patient says. “I’m fine with pills.”

The Dentist then returns and says, “Here’s a Viagra tablet.”
The patient says, “Wow! I didn’t know Viagra worked as a pain killer!”
“It doesn’t,” said the Dentist, “but it will give you something to
hold onto when I pull your tooth.”

Okay, I like this one too:

Italian Marriage from Buffalo Patti:

At Saint Mary’s Catholic Church they have a weekly husband’s marriage seminar.
At the session last week, the Priest asked Luigi, who was approaching his50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.

Luigi replied to the assembled husbands, ‘Well, I’ve a-tried to treat-a her nice, spend the money on her, but best of all is that I took-a her to Italy for the 20th anniversary!’

The Priest responded, ‘Luigi, you are an amazing inspiration to all thehusbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your50th anniversary.’

Luigi proudly replied, ‘I’m a-gonna go and get her.’

From Ain’t Politics Grand from My Buddy Bud:

Re; Jesse Jackson’s New Staff Member:Mel Reynolds

Jesse Jackson has added former

Chicago Democrat Congressman Mel Reynolds

to Rainbow/PUSH Coalition’s payroll.

Reynolds was among the 176 criminals

excused in President Clinton’s last-minute forgiveness spree.

Reynolds received a commutation of his six-and-a-half-year

federal sentence for 15 convictions of wire fraud, bank fraud,

and lies to the Federal Election Commission

He is more notorious, however, for concurrently serving five

years for sleeping with an underage campaign volunteer.

This is a first in American politics:

An ex-congressman who had sex with a subordinate…

won clemency from a president who had sex with a

subordinate…

then was hired by a clergyman who had sex with a

subordinate.

His new job

Ready for this??’

YOUTH COUNSELOR

Congressman Steve King (R-Iowa) stated on July 1,
2006, ‘Illegal aliens kill 25 Americans daily, seven
days a week, 365 days a year…that adds up to 9,125
dead Americans every year.’ This is a 9/11 every four
months and more Americans than we’ve lost fighting
terrorist in the Gulf and Iraqi Wars combined.”

This one, in any other week would be the best, and know what, it still may be!

Jamestown Patti

New Wine for Seniors

California vintners in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produce Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic.

It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroomduring the night.

The new wine will be marketed as… PINO MORE … TRUST ME, BECASUE AFTER ALL … I HEARD IT THROUGH THE GRAPEVINE

Signs to Remember … Tidbits from Dr Tim

Sign over a Gynecologist’s Office:
‘Dr. Jones, at your cervix.’
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

In a Podiatrist’s office:
‘Time wounds all heels.’
**************************

On a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon:
Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels
**************************

On another Septic Tank Truck:
‘We’re #1 in the #2 business’
*************************

At a Proctologist’s door:
‘To expedite your visit please back in.’
**************************

On a Plumber’s truck:
‘W e repair what your husband fixed.’
****************************
On another Plumber’s truck:
‘Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber..
**************************

On a Church’s Billboard:
’7 days without God makes one weak.’
**************************

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
Invite us to your next blowout.’
**************************

On a Plastic Surgeon’s Office door:
‘Hello. Can we pick your nose?’
**************************

At a Towing company:
‘We don’t charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.’
*************************

On an Electrician’s truck:
‘Let us remove your shorts.’
**************************

In a Nonsmoking Area:
‘If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.’
**************************

On a Maternity Room door:
‘Push. Push. Push.’
**************************

At an Optometrist’s Office :
‘If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.’
**************************
On a Taxidermist’s window:
‘We really know our stuff.’
*************************
On a Fence:
‘Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!’
**************************

At a Car Dealership:
‘The best way to get back on your feet – miss a car payment.’
**************************

Outside a Muffler Shop:
‘No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.’
**************************

In a Veterinarian’s waiting room:
‘Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!’
**************************

At the Electric Company:
‘We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don’t, you will be.’
**********************

In a Restaurant window:
‘Don’t stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up.’
**************************
In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
‘Drive carefully. We’ll wait.’
**************************

At a Propane Filling Station ,
‘Thank heaven for little grills.’
**************************

And don’t forget the sign at a
Chicago Radiator Shop:
‘Best place in town to take a leak

If you’re not smiling by now you may be h

Be blessed, and be a blessing,

Dr B