the Centrist

Life is not about avoiding the storms, it is about learning to live with the rain.

BLESS ME LORD FOR I AM UNDONE

It happened when I was at my lowest, when my very being, my very worthiness (unworthiness?) as a person had been denigrated, that the Lord taught me to live my motto: “Life is not about avoiding the storms, it is about learning to live with the rain.” Since I cannot sleep, I write…

They first became grandparents on 3/17/90, although their Scotty was born on 7/7/87, he will always be the most special, the first of now 7. Wow, seven, 7, the biblical perfect number. But, lest I digress, that is where this story started, with their first grandson, their Scotty. Scotty is not what they call him any longer; he is now their Scott. After all who ever heard of a Marine called Scotty? Scotty (okay Scott) will soon gift his Mama and Papa with their very first great grandson. Gabe is due in November. He will join that club gleefully, and formerly known, as the Bellavia Boys. Who could possible think of their first born, their first baby, their Dan, as a grandfather? Certainly not Marilyn or he, but then again who could possible imagine of their Scotty (okay Scott, old habits die hard) as a father? Only the Lord could have planned these great events in one’s life. He can recall the yesteryears, the days of Scotty fishing on their dock. When he was but a toddler grandson, the days when he was certain their family had been completed with their single grandson, their Scotty.

Then came their second… to some October 26th 1996 is a day to remember because it was the last time the Yankees won the World Series… let me say it again for my Yankee fans, Timmy and David, October 26th 1996… but that day was a bit more special than merely a World Championship to their family, it was the day their second grandson, Christopher, was born. Their Betsey had given them the first of three of the most wonderful children known to the world, their Christopher, not to mention the devotion of raising their Scotty, a true ‘wonder woman’. Chris was a red head, right from birth, something new to their family, but certainly a welcomed addition. Poor Scotty was becoming a bit old to dote over. Scotty had been the lone grandson, holding down the fort, for what, almost 7 years, and now he had a baby brother. Chris would forever be the pragmatic one, the one who would calm his grandfather, the tonic his Papa would forever need, the second coming of his Dan.

< But soon, on 7/7/99, along came their third grandson, he would think of them as his boys. But they were truly their father’s sons. Dan’s boys, special as could be, and now they were three. A baby brother, their Johnny, what a kid. He was immediately the apple of his Papa’s eye, he was bound to be the athletic one, the charismatic personality, but perhaps his Papa had that opinion because of all the others he looked most like Papa!

I ask, who could ask for more? He looked, and even acted like his Papa, not necessarily a good thing, but true, and at every turn as determined a personality and wit. He was a bit colicky, cocky, and blond (and yes, in his follicular years Papa was blonde). Johnny simply stole their hearts, as stealthy as did the other two, but somehow he was special… again. Before you knew it came their Evan. He was a January surprise, born on the 31st of 2000, to their David and Deanna. He entered the world as an optimist, he had an instant smile, and such a heart and thirst for knowledge almost from the time he could walk. One took a look at those black locks, and once again, his grandparents lost their collective hearts. They fell instantly in love, me with he, but he more with she… Mama and he will forever be a pair. While his Daddy was at war he became attached to his Mama and was cherished by his Papa. After all how could any grandparents want for more? Four of the best the Lord had ever created.

But the Lord was not done. He had more gifts for the Bellavias. Soon April of 2003 came along, and the most beautiful thing happened to their family. It was on the 12nd that a gift from God named their Jamesy (James for any but his Papa) became an untold blessing to them. Just one look, did I use that line before? Yea, I thought so, okay, but I just thought nothing could ever be surpassed by their experiences with EvanJohn(ny)ChrisScot(ty)DavidTim(my)Rand(y)Dan, but it happened all over again… he was mesmerized by God’s most precious gift… their fifth grandson. Wow, how lucky could they be… four sons, only to be surpassed by five grandsons? Their lives, their sixth decade, seemed complete… four sons and five grandsons… nine boys for their Mama and Papa to love… what more could one ask, no not ask, that is not a ‘heavy’ enough word, especially for a writer, ‘dream’, there that is better, ‘dream for?’

But then came a special delivery… it occurred on April 22, 2007. How could one even think they could love any deeper than one had with those special nine? But it happened when their Aiden was born. His brown hair was eclipsed by only his stellar personality. He put a flag in his Papa’s heart right from the start. He was the only infant who bonded from birth; he was to be the last… the most special in every way for his Papa. When he cried, Mom and Dad would hand him to him, the crusty old man. Immediately his crying stopped as Aiden looked right through that crust. He read him as only the other females in his life were able. Aiden undid his Papa, he read through the shell he had so carefully sculpted for all those years with all those boys and saw it was truly made of papier-mâché… not iron as was so skillfully simulated. Papa had built that precipice so carefully, and it looked so formidable, few dared scale it… until Aiden arrived. Few understood that heart, but Aiden, that kid tore it apart right from the beginning. The tenth pierced that paper and entered that heart, occupying a place never to be relinquished. He reached places the first four never dared tread, and the other five, never saw. Only Aiden could separate the blood from the shell.

Okay, a bit of an a sigh here… those of you who think this a Camelot story, get real. There are disappointments along the way in all lives. There are losses you thought you gained as well as wins you thought you lost… but nothing is ever story book, until one can be guaranteed eternal life. And that comes only through the sacrifice of the Lord Jesus and a personal relationship with Him. Only then will one ever realize that nothing on this side really matters… only what one put up for eternity, not the barns, not the bucks, not the status… only the relationship to God ever really matters for eternity, now does it? Every life, every marriage, every relationship has their ups and their downs, as my Mom would have uniquely said… “Life is not peaches and pears… ya know”. But the trick is the heading, on this prayer blog… “Life is not about avoiding the storms; it is about learning to live with the rain.” So when life hands you lemons, the Lord will provide an ear, a sibling, a spouse, a loved one, not necessarily to make ‘lemonade’, but to teach you to walk in the rain. So, I choose to never dwell on the losses, never. I have finally learned that one cannot ever control ones reputation, ones legacy; one can only put up “treasures in heaven”. Moreover, people will always be people and make their own negative conclusions. But, grandchildren, oh those grandchildren, they are the true treasures. They are the riches one can never utterly understand nor give adequate thanks. They alone are a gift from God, an untold treasure for eternity. So, I have learned, and admittedly it has taken years and untold patience from loved ones, to wipe the dust off my feet and go on to the next relationship. The Lord has given me, us, peaks and valleys, but I choose to emphasize the peaks, while the unfortunate may emphasize the valleys. It is when things happen that you cannot explain, a sister, a brother, a friend being their when things seem the darkest, to listen, to pray, and most of all to understand your pain, that you truly see God. I thank you friends… for your ears when I needed you to listen, for your eyes when I needed you to see, and most of all for your hearts when I needed you to feel. But lest I wax too philosophical… back to the greatest story in life.

Where was I? Oh yea, now I remember, theirs was to be an all boys homestead, after all, four plus six, after nine, and his Aiden, who could hope for more? They had reconciled, Mama was never to have the joy of that special bond between a mother and a daughter, between a granddaughter and grandmother, and Papa, had this crust he had so diligently worked on for oh so long, so he fooled himself into thinking he didn’t need it. Then the Lord brought, and just in time I might add, the most special miracle in their entire lives. It came on their Christopher’s birthday; his baptism into the teens brought them a miracle in every sense of the word, 10/26/09. It was a difficult birth, with all the trappings of emergency surgery in an event which came perilously close to the loss of both a daughter and a grandchild, but an event which brought them their Vivienne. She is only two days old yet has come crashing into their lives and destroyed all the parameters, the markings, the ‘certainties’ they had built. Thunderously she began immediately wiping away the love they thought they could do without … and just like a good friend had promised on the Sunday night before her birth, this little bit of humanity tore that grandfather’s heart like no other could… in a way the other ten were unable, she melted him. At first he thought it was merely happening all over again, but this time it was deeper. His father-in-law was right… it was as if he had to wait forty some odd years to understand his statement: “these grandchildren are simply a gift from God… Bill, it will be unlike anything you have ever experienced.” He said this while holding and looking into his third grandson’s eyes at his baptism. And just like that love he witnessed 38 years ago, it had finally encompassed him. He could not look at their, Vivi, without beholding her beauty. He could not leave her presence, without tears welling from his very being. He could no longer look at her mother without untold gratitude at the miracle called an infant, at her long suffering to choose to bring Vivi into this world, and at her love for her children. And at long last Mama, his Marilyn, had another female in which to communicate… and Papa has had his heart stolen by the only other woman he could ever truly love… his Vivienne. He has been smitten by the most special birth in all of his experience… (well at least until their Gabriel is born!). They finally have a GRANDDAUGHTER. And they will never forget how the Good Lord blessed… on their miracle Monday.