the Centrist

Sample of David’s Blog:

Thirteen Most Stupid Things That Have Ever Been Said to Me and What I Wish Were My Responsees at the Time

January 16, 2010

By David Bellavia

Number Thirteen:
(girl on a date when I was seventeen)
“How long have you lived with your mom and dad?”

After the plane crash I was alone. I was later told that the Colombian military was looking for me for months. I have no way of knowing whether this is true or not, but I can tell you I never stopped looking for them. The only thing around me to make me feel at home were the wombats. They were my family. And we still are close today.

Number Twelve:
(at a store, man in front of me says:) “Excuse me sir, but did I hear you just say your car is on fire?”
Yes, you did. I chose to wait 20 min in the Burlington Coat Factory return line to tell you personally that my car is burning outside and I am in desperate need of assistance. Just from you. No one else. You.

Number Eleven:
(requesting emergency leave for a soldier whose 101 year old grandfather passed away, my platoon sergeant asked:)
“Was this sudden or were they expecting it?”
Well I think they expected him to be aggressive in turn four, but I don’t think anyone would think he would try to pass Jeff Gordon on the outside like that. I mean he knew he needed new tires.

Want more? Either go to my homepage and in the lower right hand corner double click David’s book, or double click here: href=”http://www.davidbellavi.com”/

Signs of the Times: Camelot Crashing After Merely a Year

Say it ain’t so… the Los Angelas Times calling Vice President Joe Biden “loopy”? According to the article: “Joe Biden Update:…” 1/14/10: “Unsubstantiated rumors that Vice President Joe Biden had suddenly gone a little loopy and ordered some of his official meetings opened to at least cursory public or media attention were just that — unsubstantiated rumors.”
Well, okay it was tongue and cheek, but hey, they all but roasted this administration on its lack of transparency. And that is no small thing for such a liberal paper. They accuse the administration and its ‘most transparent government in history’ of hypocrisy at the highest levels. They waited anxiously to see if the unsubstantiated rumors (that Biden was going to open debates and decisions to the public, you know let the press in on their negotiations), but they were eventually disappointed. The rumors were rumors… and broken campaign promises. They reminded us of yet another change in vocabulary. This change can be added to last March’s when the Washington Post reported: “this administration prefers to avoid using the term ‘Long War’ or ‘Global War on Terror’ [GWOT.] Please use ‘Overseas Contingency Operation.’ ” Then they renamed terrorism, it is now to be referred to as: “manmade disasters”.
The article reminded us that last summer: “with no advance warning whatsoever Biden’s official White House schedule changed from listing frequent “private meetings” to listing frequent meetings to; “closed press meetings”.
This would be funny, if it weren’t so serious. Never has there been a more secretive White House. While the media and liberals in Congress wreaked havoc on the Bush Administration, and especially the office of the Vice President, for their secretive attitude, these guys make the Bushites look like boy scouts. Their attitude seems to indicate that they do not care what the American people want; rather they ‘know’ what they need. These intellectuals may as well tell us to ‘go eat cake’. It is as if we the people are being told we simply are not smart enough to understand their agenda, so why should we allow a free press to ask questions. This cannot be demonstrated any better than the back room deals made behind locked doors with special interest groups in the secretive ongoing omnibus health care bill.
Even at the daily meetings with Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, rather than answer questions, he merely deflects them. He stares down reporters as if they are simply not ‘up to the task’, with the ever so tired explanation: ‘we covered that yesterday’… oh really? In most cases it was not ‘covered yesterday’, it was ‘dodged yesterday’.
The LA Times, in the most egregious irony, mentions that even the transparency meetings… well are closed, non-transparent. ‘Then, at 2:15 PM, the Vice President will meet with Earl Devaney, chairman of the Recovery Act Transparency and Accountability Board. This meeting is closed press”

What a sad state of affairs for an administration that had it all… people spontaneously taking to the streets in celebration of hope for real change, real transparency in Washington. What a difference a year makes. Even right to center pundits like I, in those early heady days of hope, backed him as a symbol that government can correct itself. Lobbyists would no longer be given a place at the table for ‘their legislation’. We simply believed and trusted him.
But these Democrats have proven the old adage that power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. It is a sad day in America lobbyists are given special dispensations, while ‘we the people’ must carry the brunt of the tax load (i.e. trial lawyers, union bosses, drug companies, insurance companies, AARP, AMA, etc). It seems everybody has representation, except the common man. Moreover, it seems to matter not that these deals are unconstitutional, 14th Amendment, it matters only that they will deepen the power of those in charge.

Blogger’s corner
From Bud:
Excuse me Mr. Obama, I mean President Obama, Sir. Um . . I know you’re busy, and important and stuff. I mean, running the country is very important and — ah — I hate to bother you, Sir. I will only take a minute. Ok, Sir?
See, I have these missing pieces that are holding me up, and I was wondering, Sir, if you could take time out of your busy schedule and help me out. You know, no big deal, just some loose ends and things.
Hey, you have a nice place here! The wife sees houses like this on TV all the time and says, boy, she wishes she had digs like this, you know? Is that painting real? Really? Wow!
I saw something like that in a museum once.
Oh, sorry Sir. I didn’t mean to get off the track.
So if you could just help me out a minute and give me some details, I will get right out of your way. I want to close this case and maybe take the wife to Coney Island or something. Ever been to Coney Island Sir? No? I didn’t think so…
Well, listen, anyway, I can’t seem to get some information I need to wrap this up. These things seem to either be “Not released” or “Not available.” I’m sure it’s just an oversight or glitch or something, so if you could you tell me where these things are I have them written down here somewhere — oh wait. I’ll just read it to you.

Could you please help me find these things, Sir?

1. Occidental College records — Not released

2. Columbia College records — Not released

3. Columbia Thesis paper — “Not available”

4. Harvard College records — Not released

5. Selective Service Registration — Not released

6. Medical records — Not released

7. Illinois State Senate schedule — Not available

8. Your Illinois State Senate records — Not available

9. Law practice client list — Not released

10. Certified Copy of original Birth certificate — Not released

11. Embossed, signed paper Certification of Live Birth — Not released

12. Record of your baptism — Not available
13. Why your wife, Michelle, can no longer practice law as an attorney? (Insurance Fraud?_
14. Why your wife has 22 assistants, when other First Ladies had one?
15. Why were you getting “foreign student aid” as a college student?
16. Which countries “passport” did you have when you visited Pakistan in 1981?

Oh and one more thing Mr. President, I can’t seem to find any articles you published as editor of the Harvard Law Review, or as a Professor at the University of Chicago. Can you explain that to me, Sir?

Oh, but hey — listen! I know you’re busy! If this is too much for you right now — I mean — tell you what. I’ll come back tomorrow. Give you some time to get these things together, you know? I mean, I know you’re busy. I’ll just let myself out. I’ll be back tomorrow. And the day after. . …

What’s that Mr. President? Who wants to know these things?

We the People of the United States of America ! You know, the ones that vote.

From GrammySammie:
Census warnings: 2010 Census to Begin

THIS IS PRETTY BASIC ADVICE; BUT, IN TODAY’S TIMES, I
CAN SEE IT COULD LEAVE AN OPEN DOOR FOR PASSING
OUT YOUR PRIVATE INFORMATION. WARNING:
2010 Census Cautions from the Better Business Bureau
Be Cautious About Giving Info to Census Workers by
Susan Johnson
With the U.S. Census process beginning, the Better
Business Bureau (BBB) advises people to be
cooperative, but cautious, so as not to become a
victim of fraud or identity theft. The
first phase of the 2010 U.S. Census is under way
as workers have begun verifying the addresses of
households across the country. Eventually,
more than 140,000 U.S. Census workers will count
every person in the United States and will
gather information about every person living at
each address including name, age, gender, race,
and other relevant data.
The big question is – how do you tell the difference
between a U.S. Census worker and a con artist?
BBB offers the following
advice: a U.S. Census worker knocks on your door, they
will have a badge, a handheld device, a Census
Bureau canvas bag, and a confidentiality notice.
Ask to see their identification and their
badge before answering their questions.
However, you should never invite anyone
you don’t know into your home.
Census workers are currently only knocking on doors to
verify address information Do not give
your Social Security number, credit card or
banking information to anyone, even if they
claim they need it for the U.S.
Census.

REMEMBER, NO MATTER WHAT THEY ASK, YOU REALLY ONLY NEED TO
TELL THEM HOW MANY PEOPLE LIVE AT YOUR ADDRESS.
While the Census Bureau might ask for basic financial
information, such as a salary range, YOU DON’T
HAVE TO ANSWER ANYTHING AT ALL ABOUT YOUR
FINANCIAL SITUATION. The Census Bureau
will not ask for Social Security, bank account,
or credit card numbers, nor will employees
solicit donations. Any one asking for that
information is NOT with the Census
Bureau..
AND REMEMBER, THE CENSUS BUREAU HAS DECIDED NOT TO
WORK WITH ACORN ON GATHERING THIS INFORMATION.
No Acorn worker should approach you saying he/she is with the Census
Bureau.
Eventually, Census workers may contact you by telephone,
mail, or in person at home. However, the
Census Bureau will not contact you by Email, so
be on the lookout for Email scams impersonating
the Census. Never click on a link or open any attachments in an
Email that are supposedly from the U..S. Census
Bureau.
For more advice on avoiding identity theft and
fraud, visit

Grammy Sammie
Climategate: Leaked Emails Inspired Data Analyses Show Claimed Warming Greatly Exaggerated and NOAA not CRU is Ground Zero
(This is a preliminary introduction – final much more complete report will be posted here and on SPPI, which has supported the study shortly)
By Joseph D’Aleo
The global data bases have serious problems that render them useless for determining accurate long term temperature trends. Especially since most of the issues produce a warm bias in the data.
The Climategate whistleblower proved what those of us dealing with data for decades already knew. The data was degrading and was being manipulated. The IPCC and their supported scientists have worked to remove the pesky Medieval Warm Period, the Little Ice Age, and the period emailer Tom Wigley referred to as the “warm 1940s blip.” They have also worked to pump up the recent warm cycle that ended in 2001.

Programmer Ian “Harry” Harris, in the Harry_Read_Me.txt file, commented about:
“[The] hopeless state of their (CRU) data base. No uniform data integrity, it’s just a catalogue of issues that continues to grow as they’re found…I am very sorry to report that the rest of the databases seem to be in nearly as poor a state as Australia was. There are hundreds if not thousands of pairs of dummy stations, one with no WMO and one with, usually overlapping and with the same station name and very similar coordinates. I know it could be old and new stations, but why such large overlaps if that’s the case? Aarrggghhh! There truly is no end in sight.
This whole project is SUCH A MESS. No wonder I needed therapy!!
There has clearly been some cyclical warming in recent decades most notably 1979 to 1998. However the global surface station based data is seriously compromised by major station dropout. There has been a clear bias towards removing higher elevation, higher latitude and rural stations. The data suffers contamination by urbanization and other local factors such as land-use/land-cover changes, and improper siting. There is missing data and uncertainties in ocean temperatures. These factors all lead to overestimation of temperatures. Numerous peer-reviewed papers in the last several years have shown this overestimation is the order of 30 to 50% just from the contamination issues alone. The cherry picking of observing sites and the increase of interpolation to vacant data grids makes these estimates very conservative. The data bases on which so many important decisions are to be made are “Non Gradus Anus Rodentum!”
“Truth resides in every human heart, and one has to search for it there, and to be guided by truth as one sees it. But no one has a right to coerce others to act according to his own view of the truth.” Mahatma Gandhi

Lighter Side
Kaybob: A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, “Are you allergic anything?”
He replies, “yes caffeine.”
“Have you ever been in the military service?”
“Yes,” he says “I was in Iraq for two years.”
The interviewer says, “That will give you 5 extra points toward employment.”
Then he asks, “Are you disabled in any way?”
The guy says, “Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both of my testicles..”
The interviewer grimaces and then says, “O.K.
You’ve got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00A.M. to 4:00 P.M. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 – and plan on starting at 10:00 A.M. every day.”
The guy is puzzled and asks, “If the work hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M., why don’t you want me to here until 10:00 A.M.?”
“This is a federal government job,” the interviewer says, “For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that.”

The Taliban, by the great American philosopher, Jeff Foxworthy………..
________________________________________

“YOU MAY BE A TALIBAN IF…”

1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor.

2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can’t afford shoes.

3. You have more wives than teeth.

4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon “unclean.”

5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.

6. You can’t think of anyone you haven’t declared Jihad against.

7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.

8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.

9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four.

10. You’ve always had a crush on your neighbor’s goat.

11. Your cousin is president of the United States

Blogger Pam
Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Redneck?

Here is a little test that will help you decide.

The answer can be found by posing the following question:

#You’re walking down a
deserted street with your wife
and two small children.

Suddenly, an Islamic
Terrorist with a huge knife
comes around the corner,
locks eyes with you,
screams obscenities, praises
Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you.

You are carrying a
Colt 1911 cal. 45 ACP, and you are an expert shot.

You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.
What do you do?

……………………………………………………………

THINK CAREFULLY AND
THEN SCROLL DOWN:

Democrat’s Answer :

Well, that’s not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him
that would inspire
him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think?
What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club
and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about
this situation?
Does the pistol have appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind
of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he’d be
happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would
he be content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold
on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
Should I call 9-1-1?
Why is this street so deserted?
We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed day
and make this happier, healthier street that
would discourage such behavior..
This is all so confusing!
I need to debate this with some friends
for few days and try to come to a consensus.

……………………………………………………………………….

Republican’s Answer:

BANG!

………………………………………………………………….

Redneck’s Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG !
Click….. (Sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! BANG!
BANG! Click
Daughter: ‘Nice grouping, Daddy!
Were those the Winchester
Silver Tips or Hollow Points?! ‘
Son: ‘Can I shoot the next one?!’
Wife: ‘You ain’t taking that to the Taxidermist!

Davenport Richard
“Husband Store ”
A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 – These men Have Jobs
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 – These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
‘That’s nice,’ she thinks, ‘but I want more.’
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
‘Wow,’ she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
‘Oh, mercy me!’ she exclaims, ‘I can hardly stand it!’
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 – You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store’s owner opened a
“New Wives” store just across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer .
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

Grammy Sammy
A man was washed up on a beach after a terrible shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he realized that they were stranded on a deserted island.
After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset.
One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle – a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy
the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck.
The only survivor was Nancy Pelosi. That evening, the man brought Nancy to the evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening – red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze – perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the man started to
get ‘those feelings’ again. He fought the urges as long as he could, but he finally gave in and leaned over to Nancy and told her he hadn’t had sex for months.
Nancy batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she could do for him.
He said, “Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?”

Big Jim
A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very
elaborate funeral by the hospital he worked for most of his life…
A huge heart… covered in flowers stood behind the casket during
the service as all the doctors from the hospital sat in awe.
Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket was rolled
inside..The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful
heart forever.
At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all
eyes stared at him, he said, ‘I am so sorry, I was just thinking of
my own funeral… I’m a gynecologist.’
The proctologist fainted.
–